You walk into Topgolf, grab your clubs, and immediately spot them—the cast of characters that populate every single location across the country. From the guy who brings his glove to the girl who’s never touched a club but somehow nails every shot, these golfer archetypes are as predictable as they are entertaining.
1. The Beginner Who’s Secretly a Natural (Funniest)
This person has never played golf in their life, asks what a driver is, and then proceeds to demolish targets while their experienced friends watch in horror. They hold the club like they’re chopping wood, have zero form, and somehow hit more yellows than everyone else combined.
The best part? They’re completely oblivious to how frustrated they’re making everyone. They’ll casually mention how “this seems pretty easy” while their golf-obsessed friend, who’s been playing for 20 years, can’t hit the broad side of a barn. They treat every successful shot like a happy accident, which makes their natural ability even more infuriating to witness. By the end of the session, they’re asking if golf is “always this fun”, while everyone else questions their life choices.
2. The Overly Supportive Friend (Hilarious)
This person has never played golf but came along for moral support and treats every shot like it’s the Masters Tournament. They cheer for balls that land in the parking lot, celebrate when someone finally makes contact after 15 whiffs, and genuinely believe their friend is “getting the hang of it” despite all evidence to the contrary.
Their enthusiasm is infectious and completely misplaced. They’ll shout “Great shot!” when the ball travels 30 yards sideways, offer helpful advice like “just hit it straighter,” and take more photos than a proud parent at a Little League game. They turn everyone’s failures into victories through sheer positivity, making them the perfect antidote to golf’s natural frustration.
3. The Trick Shot Attempt Master (Entertaining)
This golfer treats Topgolf like their personal circus, attempting backwards shots, between-the-legs swings, and other creative disasters. They’re not trying to win—they’re trying to create moments that will live forever in someone’s Instagram story.
Most of their attempts end with the ball travelling roughly three feet or launching into the ceiling, but when they pull something off, the entire bay erupts. They’ve watched too many YouTube videos and have zero shame about their 90% failure rate. Their confidence is admirable, their execution is questionable, and their entertainment value is off the charts.
4. The Couple on a Date (Awkwardly Funny)
One person is trying to impress the other with their golf skills, which range from decent to absolutely terrible. The dynamic is always the same: someone’s trying way too hard while the other person is just happy to be there, regardless of their actual interest in golf.
The comedy comes from the obvious performance anxiety. The person trying to impress will make excuses for every bad shot, overthink every swing, and provide running commentary about how they’re “usually much better than this.” Meanwhile, their date is either genuinely supportive or politely nodding while secretly planning their escape route. When the roles reverse and the “non-golfer” starts outperforming their date, the entertainment value skyrockets.
5. The Serious Golfer Slumming It (Moderately Annoying)
This person plays at real country clubs and treats Topgolf like a necessary evil. They bring their own clubs, wear a golf glove, and constantly mention how “this isn’t real golf” while still trying their hardest to win every game.
They’re not terrible to be around, but their subtle condescension gets old fast. They’ll explain proper grip techniques nobody asked about, critique the quality of the range balls, and make sure everyone knows they usually play “actual courses.” Despite their protests, they’re secretly having fun but would never admit it in front of their golf buddies.
6. The Overly Competitive Group (Getting Annoying)
These people turn every game into the Ryder Cup, complete with trash talk, detailed scorekeeping, and celebrations that would make you think they just won a major championship. They study the leaderboard like it’s the stock market and treat every point like it could change their lives.
Their intensity sucks the casual fun out of the experience. They’ll argue about scoring, demand replays for questionable hits, and generally take everything way too seriously. While competition can be fun, these folks cross the line into exhausting territory. They’re the reason some people prefer to play alone.
7. The Instagram Influencer (Very Annoying)
This person spends more time posing for photos than actually playing golf. They’ve mastered the perfect swing pose, know all the best angles for the bay photos, and treat the entire experience like an elaborate photo shoot.
They’ll ask you to take 47 photos of their “candid” swing, spend 20 minutes finding the perfect filter, and somehow make every shot about creating content. Golf is secondary to social media opportunities. They’re not necessarily bad people, but their priority on documentation over participation can be grating for people who want to play.
8. The Know-It-All Coach (Most Annoying)
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This person has appointed themselves as everyone’s personal golf instructor, whether you asked for help or not. They have opinions about your stance, your grip, your swing, and your choice of clubs. Their advice is usually wrong, always unwanted, and delivered with the confidence of someone who knows better.
They’ll interrupt your shots to offer “quick tips,” demonstrate proper form that looks worse than yours, and generally make the experience about their expertise rather than your fun. They mean well, but their inability to read social cues and constant need to educate make them the most exhausting type of Topgolf golfer. They’re why headphones were invented.
The Real Winners
The truth is, every Topgolf session is better when it includes a mix of these characters—well, maybe not the know-it-all coach. The beauty of Topgolf is that it brings together people who would never cross paths on a traditional golf course, creating comedy gold in the process.
